Crystal Castles
The first one went so well I just had to do it again. The video I wanted to post wouldn't work, so I went with plan B... I actually don't really like the video that much since I think it's some kind of live performance for British television. I'm debating between seeing them and the super-hyped Fleet Foxes at Lollapalooza, but if they promise to do this again, I'll definitely be at their stage.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Music Video of the Day
I haven't felt like writing out a whole post lately, so sorry for the lack of content. Expect some kind of overhaul for this blog in the near future.
I heard this song on NME's online radio station last night, and the video is pretty cool. Enjoy.
Also, RIP Billy Mays.
I heard this song on NME's online radio station last night, and the video is pretty cool. Enjoy.
Also, RIP Billy Mays.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
A post with way too much mid 90's white guy basketball related content
I've actually been taking notes on stuff I want to blog about, so you best believe I'm taking this blog to the next level. Hopefully, the classic Brent Barry "You can't make chicken salad out of chicken shit" adage does not apply...
Charles Barkley:
Speaking of basketball players, (Brent Barry was a white guy who somehow won the slam dunk contest by the way... more on this later now that I think about it) Charles Barkley gave one of my new favorite quotes last week. He's usually pretty hilarious, but this is probably his best work to date. I wish everybody who said something offensive would make "apologies" like this. He also insulted Shaq and Twitter.
More Brent Barry as Promised:
In my search for that Brent Barry link I came across this site, which I had been to before and forgotten about. Just go there and enjoy that article yourself and if you're hesitant about clicking a link that will take you away from this magical place, note that the name of the site is Tirico Suave... Holy shit that is amazing. Tirico Sauve aside, I remember watching that entire slam dunk contest, and at the time I didn't think it was a big deal, but now that it's not 1996, the dismay I should have felt is starting to sink in. How did a mediocre small forward with a fucking mushroom cut beat Michael Finley and Jerry Stackhouse (and several other non-mushroom cut participants) in a slam dunk competition. Those guys must not have wanted to be there at all, and once Barry landed that dunk have said "whatever, let's let this dumb ass looking dude win... it'll make all the white kids in the crowd happy." There's a lot of contrived "made for tv" sporting events, but the dunk contest has to be, by far, the worst and that Brent Barry thing is exhibit A... When a white guy from the Clippers is getting a standing ovation from a stadium full of people, you know something is horribly wrong.
Cracked.com:
This is another site I've been to before thanks to this article, but I came across it again and have a new found appreciation for it. This guy in particular. When things like this are written, you know it's a good site...
"Coppola making this movie is like Alex Rodriguez showing up to play in a Little League game for some reason ... and then striking out. Or, better yet, if Alex Rodriguez struck out in a Little League game, shat on home plate, kicked an orphan and then made a movie about a child in a hairy man's body."
It's stuff like that that make me realize how not funny I am.
Google:
This isn't a new feature, but when you start typing in a search, Google gives it's search hints as you type, and if you haven't noticed, there is some weird shit that comes up. I had to google how to do something (I forgot what) but here are some of the things that come up with "how to..."
get pregnant, grow weed, get a girl to like you... you get the idea. Also, China agrees... I don't know how I feel about that.
I rode a scooter:
My roommate got a scooter yesterday and I went out on a spin with him. There's no way not to look gay on one of those things. The same idea kind of goes with motorcycles, but at least those guys have a reputation for being bad asses so there's always a perceived chance of getting stabbed if you make fun of those guys. The same does not go for two smiling dudes wearing track jackets riding to the grocery store to get a frozen pizza and cookies on a motor scooter. Latent gayness aside, it was fucking fun. I've never ridden on any street-legal motorized bike and there is an undeniable rush that goes with it -- and that rush has nothing to do with gayness.
Music Video:
I'm going to go way back and ultra obscure for this one... Trent Reznor before his NIN days covering "Eyes Without a Face" (more on the real version of that song and its amazing video in a later post). There is a lot of awesome stuff here. First and foremost, it's just hilarious to see the guy who is responsible for some of the greatest music in the 90's (including the best song from that decade) covering Billy Idol long before his day was to come. Furthermore, he's shimmying behind a keyboard with a Lyle Lovett hair do... awesome. With all that said, he and his band do a great cover of the song. The poor quality 80's home video exentuates all these things, and this is now one of my favorite YouTube videos.
Charles Barkley:
Speaking of basketball players, (Brent Barry was a white guy who somehow won the slam dunk contest by the way... more on this later now that I think about it) Charles Barkley gave one of my new favorite quotes last week. He's usually pretty hilarious, but this is probably his best work to date. I wish everybody who said something offensive would make "apologies" like this. He also insulted Shaq and Twitter.
More Brent Barry as Promised:
In my search for that Brent Barry link I came across this site, which I had been to before and forgotten about. Just go there and enjoy that article yourself and if you're hesitant about clicking a link that will take you away from this magical place, note that the name of the site is Tirico Suave... Holy shit that is amazing. Tirico Sauve aside, I remember watching that entire slam dunk contest, and at the time I didn't think it was a big deal, but now that it's not 1996, the dismay I should have felt is starting to sink in. How did a mediocre small forward with a fucking mushroom cut beat Michael Finley and Jerry Stackhouse (and several other non-mushroom cut participants) in a slam dunk competition. Those guys must not have wanted to be there at all, and once Barry landed that dunk have said "whatever, let's let this dumb ass looking dude win... it'll make all the white kids in the crowd happy." There's a lot of contrived "made for tv" sporting events, but the dunk contest has to be, by far, the worst and that Brent Barry thing is exhibit A... When a white guy from the Clippers is getting a standing ovation from a stadium full of people, you know something is horribly wrong.
Cracked.com:
This is another site I've been to before thanks to this article, but I came across it again and have a new found appreciation for it. This guy in particular. When things like this are written, you know it's a good site...
"Coppola making this movie is like Alex Rodriguez showing up to play in a Little League game for some reason ... and then striking out. Or, better yet, if Alex Rodriguez struck out in a Little League game, shat on home plate, kicked an orphan and then made a movie about a child in a hairy man's body."
It's stuff like that that make me realize how not funny I am.
Google:
This isn't a new feature, but when you start typing in a search, Google gives it's search hints as you type, and if you haven't noticed, there is some weird shit that comes up. I had to google how to do something (I forgot what) but here are some of the things that come up with "how to..."
get pregnant, grow weed, get a girl to like you... you get the idea. Also, China agrees... I don't know how I feel about that.
I rode a scooter:
My roommate got a scooter yesterday and I went out on a spin with him. There's no way not to look gay on one of those things. The same idea kind of goes with motorcycles, but at least those guys have a reputation for being bad asses so there's always a perceived chance of getting stabbed if you make fun of those guys. The same does not go for two smiling dudes wearing track jackets riding to the grocery store to get a frozen pizza and cookies on a motor scooter. Latent gayness aside, it was fucking fun. I've never ridden on any street-legal motorized bike and there is an undeniable rush that goes with it -- and that rush has nothing to do with gayness.
Music Video:
I'm going to go way back and ultra obscure for this one... Trent Reznor before his NIN days covering "Eyes Without a Face" (more on the real version of that song and its amazing video in a later post). There is a lot of awesome stuff here. First and foremost, it's just hilarious to see the guy who is responsible for some of the greatest music in the 90's (including the best song from that decade) covering Billy Idol long before his day was to come. Furthermore, he's shimmying behind a keyboard with a Lyle Lovett hair do... awesome. With all that said, he and his band do a great cover of the song. The poor quality 80's home video exentuates all these things, and this is now one of my favorite YouTube videos.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
"This is Sinatra at the Opera... Bring a Blonde"
Today's post is brought to you by utter boredom. This may come across as melodramatic, but I'm hard pressed to come up with a more boring seven day stretch of my life, but at least I'm not in a North Korean work camp...
Publicizing my blog:
This is a somewhat awkward proposition. I equate it to going up to random people and asking them to like me, pretty much for no reason. I actually googled the aforementioned phrase and felt kind of dirty, but the situation as a whole is a catch 22. On one hand, I would like to have more than 3 or 4 readers, but on the other, I feel like a used car salesman or something trudging through these dark recesses of the internet dealing with unsavory characters just so they can read about stupid shit that I usually don't even come up ahead of time, and probably not get half of my jokes. (This might deserve it's own heading, but fuck it... About a week ago, I saw part of some show about inmates who have internet access joining some type of online dating website specially for inmates and finding women who are not inmates who wish to have romantic relationships with them. Shit like that almost makes my head explode. How are there women who are ready and willing to date convicted rapists than there are people willing to read this?) This blog should almost publicize itself... who else is going to bring such a random collection of inane content into a single place? Oh right, that's all the internet is... besides porn and illegal music downloading.
Part Time Employment:
Nothing demonstrates the fine line between self loathing and living "the good life" more than working part time. On the one hand it's great that I can work on my blog for an hour at 2:30 in the afternoon and spend and hour and a half deciding how to redecorate my lizard's cage. But on the other hand it's not such a great feeling when the most productive thing I've done in the past 48 hours is get my haircut and when I show up to work at 3 everybody asks me if I just woke up... and I have to lie to them so I don't feel like such a lazy asshole. But the good news is 20% of college graduates are getting full time jobs. At least there's a chance.
Meeting Girls:
I've been single for a couple weeks, and I'm not in some kind of crazy lustful frenzy to go out and start rounding up girls or anything, but it would be somewhat comforting if there was even the slightest prospect of meeting a girl or two who was somewhat intelligent, possibly even attractive and enjoyable to spend time with. I've racked my brain for ways to meet said female, and the options are less than encouraging:
1. Bars: In general, the guy/girl ratio is somewhere between unpleasant and full blown sausage festival, and the only thing I usually like to do at bars is go with a buddy and make fun of everybody who walks by and tell the bartender she looks 10 years older than she actually is then not get served for an hour... but it's not like this actually happened. However, this was before I started my blog, so maybe I can go and use that as a pick up line.
2. Internet: I don't know if I want to pay to send messages to chicks who are probably putting up photoshopped pictures of themselves, and if I did, I'd probably be too tempted to waste my time sending smart ass shit like "hey what's up with your face" or "your friend looks good in that picture, is she on this site?" Now that I've reread that, the problem seems to be that I'm just an asshole lacking in interpersonal skills. Girls like that right?
3. One of my favorite quotes from Superbad about where to meet women:
Officer Slater: "My first wife, who is a whore, by the way, where do you think I met her? A bar. A bar."
Officer Michaels - "You don't wanna meet a chick at a bar, man. You gotta go to a spin class, a farmer's market, a pumpkin patch.....given the season."
Almost Classic Hip Hop:
I downloaded the new Cool Kids mixtape today, and it's probably their best collection of songs on a single disc today. If you've never listened to them, they're a group of two MCs who get their style from 80's hip hop groups (think Run DMC). It's a pretty cool concept, and when I think about how there are so many rock bands that rely so heavily on older influences, it's kind of surprising that they are one of the only hip hop groups that has such a retro sound. Either way, they're pretty good, especially if you like hearing rhymes about throwback Blazers swag and innocent sounding crack innuendo (see the title of the album).
Classic Hip Hop:
The new Jay Z track is classic. I probably wouldn't even rank him among my top 10 favorite rappers, but when he comes out with shit like this, it's hard not to like him.
P.S. - The post title comes from that song.
Publicizing my blog:
This is a somewhat awkward proposition. I equate it to going up to random people and asking them to like me, pretty much for no reason. I actually googled the aforementioned phrase and felt kind of dirty, but the situation as a whole is a catch 22. On one hand, I would like to have more than 3 or 4 readers, but on the other, I feel like a used car salesman or something trudging through these dark recesses of the internet dealing with unsavory characters just so they can read about stupid shit that I usually don't even come up ahead of time, and probably not get half of my jokes. (This might deserve it's own heading, but fuck it... About a week ago, I saw part of some show about inmates who have internet access joining some type of online dating website specially for inmates and finding women who are not inmates who wish to have romantic relationships with them. Shit like that almost makes my head explode. How are there women who are ready and willing to date convicted rapists than there are people willing to read this?) This blog should almost publicize itself... who else is going to bring such a random collection of inane content into a single place? Oh right, that's all the internet is... besides porn and illegal music downloading.
Part Time Employment:
Nothing demonstrates the fine line between self loathing and living "the good life" more than working part time. On the one hand it's great that I can work on my blog for an hour at 2:30 in the afternoon and spend and hour and a half deciding how to redecorate my lizard's cage. But on the other hand it's not such a great feeling when the most productive thing I've done in the past 48 hours is get my haircut and when I show up to work at 3 everybody asks me if I just woke up... and I have to lie to them so I don't feel like such a lazy asshole. But the good news is 20% of college graduates are getting full time jobs. At least there's a chance.
Meeting Girls:
I've been single for a couple weeks, and I'm not in some kind of crazy lustful frenzy to go out and start rounding up girls or anything, but it would be somewhat comforting if there was even the slightest prospect of meeting a girl or two who was somewhat intelligent, possibly even attractive and enjoyable to spend time with. I've racked my brain for ways to meet said female, and the options are less than encouraging:
1. Bars: In general, the guy/girl ratio is somewhere between unpleasant and full blown sausage festival, and the only thing I usually like to do at bars is go with a buddy and make fun of everybody who walks by and tell the bartender she looks 10 years older than she actually is then not get served for an hour... but it's not like this actually happened. However, this was before I started my blog, so maybe I can go and use that as a pick up line.
2. Internet: I don't know if I want to pay to send messages to chicks who are probably putting up photoshopped pictures of themselves, and if I did, I'd probably be too tempted to waste my time sending smart ass shit like "hey what's up with your face" or "your friend looks good in that picture, is she on this site?" Now that I've reread that, the problem seems to be that I'm just an asshole lacking in interpersonal skills. Girls like that right?
3. One of my favorite quotes from Superbad about where to meet women:
Officer Slater: "My first wife, who is a whore, by the way, where do you think I met her? A bar. A bar."
Officer Michaels - "You don't wanna meet a chick at a bar, man. You gotta go to a spin class, a farmer's market, a pumpkin patch.....given the season."
Almost Classic Hip Hop:
I downloaded the new Cool Kids mixtape today, and it's probably their best collection of songs on a single disc today. If you've never listened to them, they're a group of two MCs who get their style from 80's hip hop groups (think Run DMC). It's a pretty cool concept, and when I think about how there are so many rock bands that rely so heavily on older influences, it's kind of surprising that they are one of the only hip hop groups that has such a retro sound. Either way, they're pretty good, especially if you like hearing rhymes about throwback Blazers swag and innocent sounding crack innuendo (see the title of the album).
Classic Hip Hop:
The new Jay Z track is classic. I probably wouldn't even rank him among my top 10 favorite rappers, but when he comes out with shit like this, it's hard not to like him.
P.S. - The post title comes from that song.
"They have Internet on computers now?"
...Homer Simpson
Sadism:
I don't know where you stand on an issue like this, faithful reader, but there's something about that video that makes me so happy it worries me a little. If you don't want to sit through the commercial to watch that video, it basically depicts a traffic stop where a 72 year old woman is pulled over for speeding. What ensues is amazing. She refuses to sign the ticket, which means state law requires her to be arrested. However, she repeatedly challenges the offer, ending with a final challenge of "tase me"... As you may be able to discern from my delight, the aforementioned tasing takes place and this lady gets every bit of what is coming to her. As a general rule, I like old people, I'm related to some of them, I work with them on a regular basis, I see them in the grocery store, but some times I just get the urge to see some belligerent old person get tased for being an asshole, and finally that day has come. Also, in that video Matt Lauer delivers a hilarious line to whomever that broad is when he asks her:
"What's your opinion on this"
chick "My personal opinoin?"
"No that guy's opinion over there"
Oh today show you slay me,...
Keyboards:
I'm sure if I researched this I could come up with a legitimate answer to this, but I'd rather pose a Seinfeldian question instead. Why is it that the cent sympbol is not on a keyboard but this thing: ^ is? There have been dozens of occasions where I've wanted to type the cent symbol (this posting for example) where it would be so much easier to be able to hit a button or two. I don't even know what ^ means (thankfully, Google explains). The only time I even see it used is when people make this face thing ^_^ and I don't really get what that's supposed to be either.
Ties:
I had to learn how to tie a tie a few weeks ago, so I looked to the internet for some help. I was successful, but I also concluded there are some weird people who know how to tie ties and wish to demonstrate their skill online (Alright, that last one isn't that weird, but there's something emasculating about learning how to tie a tie from a girl. That makes me insecure and maybe sexist, but at least I'm honest. Also, how hilarious it takes that one guy almost 10 minutes to explain it). Also, who the fuck was the first person to decide that it was stylish to tie a complicated knot in a long piece of cloth around his neck? ... and how did that catch on?
Sports:
I've starting to watch a lot less sports than I used to. In the beginning of this great blog, I had even kicked around the idea of making this a predominantly sports-themed operation, but that has changed. There are two main reasons for this.
1. My favorite team ripped my beating heart out and devoured it as it was still beating last year, and they're follow up? The most uncompelling group of medicre players managed by a guy 20 years passed his prime, with no hopes of getting better because the team's current ownership is bankrupt and stalling its sale of the team. The collective effect: I've now realized there are more important things to invest time and emotion into than a bunch of guys who wipe their asses with $1000 bills.
2, ESPN. Instead of appealing to actual sports fans, these chumps continue to do all they can to appeal to the drooling masses who watch sports just to see bouncing balls and guys running into each other. And their flagship show supplies 7 to 8 hours per day of pissing on the face of jourlaistic integrity. And they employ Stuart Scott and Chris Berman.
Sadism:
I don't know where you stand on an issue like this, faithful reader, but there's something about that video that makes me so happy it worries me a little. If you don't want to sit through the commercial to watch that video, it basically depicts a traffic stop where a 72 year old woman is pulled over for speeding. What ensues is amazing. She refuses to sign the ticket, which means state law requires her to be arrested. However, she repeatedly challenges the offer, ending with a final challenge of "tase me"... As you may be able to discern from my delight, the aforementioned tasing takes place and this lady gets every bit of what is coming to her. As a general rule, I like old people, I'm related to some of them, I work with them on a regular basis, I see them in the grocery store, but some times I just get the urge to see some belligerent old person get tased for being an asshole, and finally that day has come. Also, in that video Matt Lauer delivers a hilarious line to whomever that broad is when he asks her:
"What's your opinion on this"
chick "My personal opinoin?"
"No that guy's opinion over there"
Oh today show you slay me,...
Keyboards:
I'm sure if I researched this I could come up with a legitimate answer to this, but I'd rather pose a Seinfeldian question instead. Why is it that the cent sympbol is not on a keyboard but this thing: ^ is? There have been dozens of occasions where I've wanted to type the cent symbol (this posting for example) where it would be so much easier to be able to hit a button or two. I don't even know what ^ means (thankfully, Google explains). The only time I even see it used is when people make this face thing ^_^ and I don't really get what that's supposed to be either.
Ties:
I had to learn how to tie a tie a few weeks ago, so I looked to the internet for some help. I was successful, but I also concluded there are some weird people who know how to tie ties and wish to demonstrate their skill online (Alright, that last one isn't that weird, but there's something emasculating about learning how to tie a tie from a girl. That makes me insecure and maybe sexist, but at least I'm honest. Also, how hilarious it takes that one guy almost 10 minutes to explain it). Also, who the fuck was the first person to decide that it was stylish to tie a complicated knot in a long piece of cloth around his neck? ... and how did that catch on?
Sports:
I've starting to watch a lot less sports than I used to. In the beginning of this great blog, I had even kicked around the idea of making this a predominantly sports-themed operation, but that has changed. There are two main reasons for this.
1. My favorite team ripped my beating heart out and devoured it as it was still beating last year, and they're follow up? The most uncompelling group of medicre players managed by a guy 20 years passed his prime, with no hopes of getting better because the team's current ownership is bankrupt and stalling its sale of the team. The collective effect: I've now realized there are more important things to invest time and emotion into than a bunch of guys who wipe their asses with $1000 bills.
2, ESPN. Instead of appealing to actual sports fans, these chumps continue to do all they can to appeal to the drooling masses who watch sports just to see bouncing balls and guys running into each other. And their flagship show supplies 7 to 8 hours per day of pissing on the face of jourlaistic integrity. And they employ Stuart Scott and Chris Berman.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Gary Indiana and Mojitos
I was going to write about my top 10 albums today, but I realized that was way too much work, here's this instead...
Girl Scouts:
After a brief conversation with a former girl scout -- just to be clear... former as in like 10 years ago -- I've decided this is more or less a front for selling cookies. Even if it's not, it just seems like it's outdated and having separate boy and girl scouts just reinforces the outdated concept that girls should learn all the homebody things that will help them be good wives to their future men and boys should learn how to saw wood and have the ability to identify various foliage. I guess I'm not opposed to the idea as a whole (unlike this guy), but why not just have one organization? Here's where I'm tempted to go on a rant about people who put their kids in scouts, but after looking at that guy's picture, all I can think is " Holy shit... people who look like that have internet access, and worse yet, they know how to make icons of their own faces." So, further scout rants will have to wait for another day.
How to Win Friends and Influence People:
One of my faithful readers recently gave me this book as a gift, and I finished the Sudoku book in the bathroom, so it's been there for me when I've needed it most. Honestly, so far it has been an enjoyable and somewhat charming read as it was written in the 20s or 30s, but the title is somewhat misleading. The tips in the book are quite useful and would probably help you become slightly more adept at dealing with people, but the author left out these chapters: Be Rich, Be Very Good Looking, Come from a Powerful Family.
Bizarro Super Heroes:
First off, I just read the entire wiki page for bizzaro superman... what this says about my life right now? I don't know, but i love the internet. Anyway, I have to hand it to the guys who wrote those old comics -- they were creative geniuses and they used their genius in such a useless/awesome way. I really like the concept of Bizzaro super heroes and there are many hilarious possibilities. Even though he's not a super hero in the classic sense, I've come up with my own... Bizzaro Indiana Jones, aka Gary Indiana. He would basically just go through a typical day of a Gary, Indianan by going to strip clubs, lighting off fireworks, and smoking weed. If somebody wants to get to work on that comic book and split the profits with me, I'd appreciate it.
Dynamite Fishing:
I randomly found this game when I was bored and looking for something to play online. The game itself is a typical time waster and is not really important to this paragraph, desprite the title bearing its name. More importantly, (note: that is a huge misuse of the word importantly) the commercial that played before the game was for paper towels, which was strange to me. Why would they think the target market for a video game website - almost definitely a bunch of nerdy, teenage boys - would have any use for paper tow... oh wait... sick.
Daniel Tosh's New Show:
Any network that cancels Chapelle's Show and relentlessly hypes Carlos Mencia was bound to find a way to sanitize Daniel Tosh, and the results were about what I expected. It was good for a couple laughs, but overall it was unimpressive. They did air his stand up a few nights before the show debuted and it is probably among the top 5 stand up routines I've ever seen.
The Internet:
I know I've already expressed my love for the internet once today, but I just want to stress that. I don't know what I would do if I lived in a world where I saw a bacardi commercial with an awesome song in it and there was no way I could figure out what the song was and then download it for free and listen to it 10 times in one day. Also, I still haven't decided if its worth defending my heterosexuality to order a Mojito in public, but that is an awesome commercial (even though it didn't really make me want a Mojito).
Girl Scouts:
After a brief conversation with a former girl scout -- just to be clear... former as in like 10 years ago -- I've decided this is more or less a front for selling cookies. Even if it's not, it just seems like it's outdated and having separate boy and girl scouts just reinforces the outdated concept that girls should learn all the homebody things that will help them be good wives to their future men and boys should learn how to saw wood and have the ability to identify various foliage. I guess I'm not opposed to the idea as a whole (unlike this guy), but why not just have one organization? Here's where I'm tempted to go on a rant about people who put their kids in scouts, but after looking at that guy's picture, all I can think is " Holy shit... people who look like that have internet access, and worse yet, they know how to make icons of their own faces." So, further scout rants will have to wait for another day.
How to Win Friends and Influence People:
One of my faithful readers recently gave me this book as a gift, and I finished the Sudoku book in the bathroom, so it's been there for me when I've needed it most. Honestly, so far it has been an enjoyable and somewhat charming read as it was written in the 20s or 30s, but the title is somewhat misleading. The tips in the book are quite useful and would probably help you become slightly more adept at dealing with people, but the author left out these chapters: Be Rich, Be Very Good Looking, Come from a Powerful Family.
Bizarro Super Heroes:
First off, I just read the entire wiki page for bizzaro superman... what this says about my life right now? I don't know, but i love the internet. Anyway, I have to hand it to the guys who wrote those old comics -- they were creative geniuses and they used their genius in such a useless/awesome way. I really like the concept of Bizzaro super heroes and there are many hilarious possibilities. Even though he's not a super hero in the classic sense, I've come up with my own... Bizzaro Indiana Jones, aka Gary Indiana. He would basically just go through a typical day of a Gary, Indianan by going to strip clubs, lighting off fireworks, and smoking weed. If somebody wants to get to work on that comic book and split the profits with me, I'd appreciate it.
Dynamite Fishing:
I randomly found this game when I was bored and looking for something to play online. The game itself is a typical time waster and is not really important to this paragraph, desprite the title bearing its name. More importantly, (note: that is a huge misuse of the word importantly) the commercial that played before the game was for paper towels, which was strange to me. Why would they think the target market for a video game website - almost definitely a bunch of nerdy, teenage boys - would have any use for paper tow... oh wait... sick.
Daniel Tosh's New Show:
Any network that cancels Chapelle's Show and relentlessly hypes Carlos Mencia was bound to find a way to sanitize Daniel Tosh, and the results were about what I expected. It was good for a couple laughs, but overall it was unimpressive. They did air his stand up a few nights before the show debuted and it is probably among the top 5 stand up routines I've ever seen.
The Internet:
I know I've already expressed my love for the internet once today, but I just want to stress that. I don't know what I would do if I lived in a world where I saw a bacardi commercial with an awesome song in it and there was no way I could figure out what the song was and then download it for free and listen to it 10 times in one day. Also, I still haven't decided if its worth defending my heterosexuality to order a Mojito in public, but that is an awesome commercial (even though it didn't really make me want a Mojito).
Monday, June 1, 2009
"I'm richer than Nicole and I'm a Lion like her Daddy."
What's up...
Lil' Wayne:
Lil' Wayne:
He's easily my favorite individual performer, and it's not even close. I heard him on a remix of "Turn my Swag on" (a song I kind of like for some reason) and remembered how I wanted to write about my man crush on him. He's behind only Andre 3000 as my favorite lyricist (see these examples for why he is my favorite: 1 - 2). Lil' Wayne's sense of humor and obnoxiousness are what make him great (see the lyric "I'm in the bathroom takin me a rich nigga shit" from the song in the first link). He also has one of my all time favorite lines :"I'm richer than Nicole and I'm a Lion like her Daddy." Great lines aside, he also does things like make rock albums, write ESPN columns, and do hilarious interviews with GQ. He's a guy who I'm pretty sure won't be around for too much longer, so I hope I get a chance to see him live soon.
Sam Cooke:
I never knew who he was, but I listened to some of his stuff on Rolling Stone's top 100 singers page, and he is amazing. I'm actually thinking about breaking my streak of not paying for mp3s. One of his greatest hits cds has 30 songs on it for less than $10, so I think I might pull the trigger. He has a voice that makes you stop whatever you're doing and ask who's singing.
Sorry this post is lacking in sarcasm up to this point, I'll see what I can do from here on out...
Microwaves:
The microwave at our house broke last week. This wouldn't be a big deal if 2/3s of my meals weren't made in it with the other 1/3 being cereal. Thankfully frozen pizzas exist.
Pizza:
Just a few brief things on the subject. Isn't Red Baron a strange name for a frozen pizza line? I haven't done much research on the subject, but it seems weird to me that they chose to name a line of food after a fighter pilot. Also, I know this may be sacreligious considering my proximity to Chicago, but putting ranch on low quality pizza is amazing. I learned this in Missouri (where all the pizza is low quality, at best) and have continued to do so ever since with desireable results.
Dave from FOTC:
I decided that of any character in any show he has the funniest lines to time on screen ratio by a long shot. My all time favorite character is Gob" from Arrested Development because Will Arnett was born to play that role, but he is on screen so much that some of his lines supplement the other characters in the show and he is not the focus all the time. Dave played by Arj Barker (a decent stand up comedian) says something hilarious almost every time he speaks. Some of my favorite lines:
"I think you gotta use honesty here. I mean, you know it’s always the best policy, like the other day there was five, well maybe it was like four, really hot foreign chicks. They were like Swedish or Korean in my shop and they were like “Dave, we want to have a five way with you”. And I just told them “Honestly? Ok”. And then I just gave it to them hard, and that’s the best way to go. Then after that they’re like “Dave, will you marry us?” and I was like “Excuse me, but I don’t think monogamy is legal in this country, I dunno where you’re from”. You gotta try honesty, it works the best."
"Women love that sensitive nautical shit. Haven't you ever seen Watership Down? Neither have I."
"No, that is super sensitive. I mean, that reminds me of when I saw a puppy being born. I mean, just to see it's little head just coming out of that dog's pussy... what an incredible moment, man. Beautiful."
"Here in the U.S. rivalries between rappers usually end up with death - or worse."
Sam Cooke:
I never knew who he was, but I listened to some of his stuff on Rolling Stone's top 100 singers page, and he is amazing. I'm actually thinking about breaking my streak of not paying for mp3s. One of his greatest hits cds has 30 songs on it for less than $10, so I think I might pull the trigger. He has a voice that makes you stop whatever you're doing and ask who's singing.
Sorry this post is lacking in sarcasm up to this point, I'll see what I can do from here on out...
Microwaves:
The microwave at our house broke last week. This wouldn't be a big deal if 2/3s of my meals weren't made in it with the other 1/3 being cereal. Thankfully frozen pizzas exist.
Pizza:
Just a few brief things on the subject. Isn't Red Baron a strange name for a frozen pizza line? I haven't done much research on the subject, but it seems weird to me that they chose to name a line of food after a fighter pilot. Also, I know this may be sacreligious considering my proximity to Chicago, but putting ranch on low quality pizza is amazing. I learned this in Missouri (where all the pizza is low quality, at best) and have continued to do so ever since with desireable results.
Dave from FOTC:
I decided that of any character in any show he has the funniest lines to time on screen ratio by a long shot. My all time favorite character is Gob" from Arrested Development because Will Arnett was born to play that role, but he is on screen so much that some of his lines supplement the other characters in the show and he is not the focus all the time. Dave played by Arj Barker (a decent stand up comedian) says something hilarious almost every time he speaks. Some of my favorite lines:
"I think you gotta use honesty here. I mean, you know it’s always the best policy, like the other day there was five, well maybe it was like four, really hot foreign chicks. They were like Swedish or Korean in my shop and they were like “Dave, we want to have a five way with you”. And I just told them “Honestly? Ok”. And then I just gave it to them hard, and that’s the best way to go. Then after that they’re like “Dave, will you marry us?” and I was like “Excuse me, but I don’t think monogamy is legal in this country, I dunno where you’re from”. You gotta try honesty, it works the best."
"Women love that sensitive nautical shit. Haven't you ever seen Watership Down? Neither have I."
"No, that is super sensitive. I mean, that reminds me of when I saw a puppy being born. I mean, just to see it's little head just coming out of that dog's pussy... what an incredible moment, man. Beautiful."
"Here in the U.S. rivalries between rappers usually end up with death - or worse."
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