Lamest Team Names

I heard this discussed in passing on the radio today, and decided to make my own list. I used only pro teams --and by pro I mean the 3.5 major sports. If not, the WNBA would dominate this list. No college teams either, there are way too many obnoxious ones (see: Akron Zips, ULL Rajin Cajuns, UCSC Banana Slugs... nevermind, those are all awesome).

Enjoy...

10. Miami Dolphins
I could probably come up with a few names more intimidating than a friendly sea-dwelling mammal that bounces balls off its nose and majestically leaps from the water.

9. Colorado Rockies
Any team named after a scenic view is automatically lame.

8. Detroit Pistons
Car parts usually don't make for very good team names.

7. Miami Heat
What's lamer than being named after a car part? Being named after the thing you turn on in your car when you get cold. I think the Miami Air Conditioning would probably be as cool, if not cooler (pun slightly intended).

6. Washington Redskins
This isn't even a lame team name, it's just straight up racist. How the hell is this actually still a team's name?

5. Oklahoma City Thunder
It's not just that the name Thunder is an unoriginal suck fest. And it's not just that this team is from Oklahoma City. These assholes changed their name from one of the coolest names in all of sports to one of the worst. I mean -- look at this -- they were the coolest, non-MJ, team in basketball during the mid 90s, and Shawn Kemp has the offspring to prove this.

P.S. - If you go to that link, there's a related video called Shawn Kemp Jr. First, there are many jokes to be told about this. Second, don't watch it, it's a minute of your life you will never get back.

4. Baltimore Orioles, Toronto Blue Jays, St Louis/Arizona Cardinals
As a rule, small finches do not make for good team names.

3. Minnesota Wild
Naming your team after a non-color adjective is always dicey territory. But the fact that Minnesota's old hockey team had a sweet name/logo, makes it that much worse.

2. Houston Texans
I could write an entire essay on the vain, egomanical idiocy that this team name represents. This isn't just a lame team name, this is worst, most unoriginal shit show of a team name ever. Of all the possible things to name a team, whoever chose to go with 'what-people-are-called-who-live-in-Texas' should be jettisoned into space.

*Takes Deep Breath* Ok, moving on...


1. Orlando Magic

This - funniness = naming your team Magic.

Also, this just reminded me. Back in the day when the Magic used to be good, Nike had what still stands as my second favorite ad campaign (behind only Southwest Airlines 'Wanna Get Away'). Just watch this, it's amazing (I just watched that 5 times). I wonder why Nike dropped the Little Penny ad campaign (oh wait, nevermind).


Thanks for reading.